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The Void

I sit, once again, between the closing of one door and the opening of another.  This sacred, uncomfortable voidal space where seemingly nothing is happening.  I know you are familiar with this space too.  There is an ephemeral feeling of being inside of an invisible hallway or waiting room.  You look back at the doorway you’ve come through, knowing you can never go back, though a part of you may want to.  For the circumstances of your life in that direction have completed.  Things are no longer the same.  You are no longer the same… and so you sit.  

Often times, when souls are dropped into this “Voidal Space” between the closing of one chapter of their life and the opening of the next, it is fraught with confusion about what to do next, where to go next.  I have been in this space so many times in my life that I am now accustomed to the uncomfortable wrestling of the mind with the blanket of Mystery.

On this occasion, it was not a great clap of thunder and bolt of lighting toppling the foundations of my life and spilling me outward tattered and bruised into the great unknown.  Instead, thankfully this time it was a steady, intentional, placing of footfalls in the direction of my dreams.  

For the past several years, I have been working with the magic of manifestation in co-creation with Spirit.  I have been dedicating my time, energy and physical labor into the long held dream of moving out of the city into a quiet, serene cabin on a lake.  It is from this beautiful personal paradise that allow these words to flow through me now.  Trusting these words will find those souls who are ready, willing and open to be inspired by them, I set them free.

For the past 3 decades, I have been consciously working with the spiritual laws to manifest the life circumstances of my desires.  Only through this most recent journey of co-creating the lakehouse, have I been fully able to fall back into the trust of Allowing, thus have experienced the wondrous, seemingly magical, application of Grace in ways I’ve never experienced before.  

There was a time when I carried an unconscious belief that I could never have this thing that I longed for so badly.  I imagined that owning a lake house was for other people but I would never have the means to own one myself.  One day while my heart was pining for the lake house that I could never have, I actually became conscious of this belief.  Maybe I said it out loud, I don’t remember.  Suddenly, I became aware that some part of me believed it was impossible for me to own a lake house.   When this realization hit, that it was impossible, I thought, well… that’s ridiculous.  I mean, it’s not like it’s IMPOSSIBLE.  I began to rationalize, there are tons of lakes, there are tons of houses on the lakes, there are tons of perfectly normal average people owning them and there is absolutely no reason why I, a perfectly normal average person, can’t own one someday as well. 

That was the beginning of the journey towards having.  It wasn’t fast, it wasn’t immediate, it took a whole lot of sitting in sacred space and intending.  There were plethoras of limiting beliefs to work through.  I don’t remember them all but I remember the last one.  

The last one came up after a morning of journaling, creatively writing about living at the lake house as if I were already there.  What it would feel like, smell like, sound like.  I described in detail what I would be doing there and how grateful I was to be there.  I stood up after writing to make myself a coffee and I thought,  “Man, I really need to make more money so I can live in this place.”  Like lightning, a thought came from outside myself, as if someone were speaking directly into my head, “That’s a limited belief.”  In an instant, I knew this to be true.  Complete understanding that I was placing money as a hurdle to conquer first, was delaying my receiving what I had been praying for.  So, I began to state outloud; “I can have the lake house now.”  I repeated it for days just to dissolve that previous belief.  In less than 2 weeks, the lake house came into my experience.  Several months later,  I closed on the property with a small personal loan.    

It took decades of praying, a year of single focused attention to manifesting and two years of weekends to renovate it into the living space it is today but every step, every minute, was worth it!  To smell the pines, to be able to hear and follow the wind’s journey as it strokes the fringe of trees over the mountains around me, to delight in the reflection of the sunlight and moonlight on the great expanse of water before me, everyday I am grateful for this parcel of heaven I have been blessed to behold and call home. 

Now at the close of 2023, here I am, reveling in the completion of a dream with the knowingness and experience from this most recent manifestation, that up until now, I have been dreaming too small.   

I know this for you too.  We have ALL been dreaming too small. 

So now I sit, in the waiting room, in the hallway between what has come to pass and what will come to be, with the chimeras of a new dream whispering salutations to me.  A big dream.  A bigger dream than I have ever imagined possible for myself before.  Because, why not?  Why…Not!

I am glancing up at the familiar Guardians that stand before the gateway of this new dream.  They are different, yet the same as the Guardians that stand before any of the gateways of our hearts dreaming.  They seem so big, so scary, so insurmountable, so exhausting.  But I know now, they are only made of mist.

The first of The Guardians will say something like, “That’s impossible.  Who are you so little, so puny, so insignificant, to think that you can do or have something such as that?  You don’t have what it takes.  Go back.  Sit down.  Stay Small.  Settle into your little life.”

Another of the The Guardians will say something like, “What will THEY think of you, if you rise above.  THEY might get jealous, try to tie you down, ridicule you or even try to hurt you if you get too big, too bold, too unapologetically FREE.  Go back.  Sit down.  Settle.”  

Another of The Guardians might say, “You don’t know what’s out there.  It’s dangerous.  The world is full of strange unmarked pitfalls and wolves disguised as gentle grandmothers.  Go back.  At least you know how to navigate your familiar small uncomfortable life.  Settle.”

Because they are made of mist, they often come in the form of procrastination, distraction, busy work or a general feeling of dread, anxiety, depression.  Often they do not speak these things directly to us, but may speak through other people around us.  Each new dream, each new expansion has its own flavor of these Guardians designed to protect us from the unknown and to challenge our faith, our courage, our integrity because the treasures on the other side of the gateway, the dream in its fulfillment, requires us always to become an increasingly better version of ourselves in order to hold it. 

So I sit, in the voidal space, as the crisp of winter begins to weave itself through the air, resting from the long labor of birthing a dream into physical reality, gathering my strength, courage and stamina to face the Guardians of the new dream, the next dream, that is slowly seeding into the fertile soils of my mind.  A vision from a future self, calling me to rise again, to keep placing one foot and then the next on a pathway that I can not yet see, listening to a promise that I am choosing to trust.  


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